On How to Attract Men
Blonde: We should learn about football.
Blonde: I mean, we really should.
Other Blonde: I wanna get into football. Like, for really-real.
Blonde: My biggest goal is to, like, watch the games and learn about, like, the teams? Like, who’s on them?
Other Blonde: I mean, I really wanna.
Blonde: We should literally start a fantasy team.
Brunette: Like, think how much we’d learn!
Blonde: We should do it.
Other Blonde: We literally should.
On the Absent Friend
Brunette: She’s the kind of person who when she gains weight, like, gains it everywhere.
Blonde: Which is better, actually.
Brunette: She’s so lucky.
Other Blonde: But she’s lost, like, half her body weight. She’s basically anorexic now.
Blonde and Brunette (in unison): How?
Other Blonde: I mean, she doesn’t eat.
Brunette: She still drinks, I hope.
Other Blonde: Oh, totally. She actually invented this drink that’s, like, Crystal Light and vodka and Sprite Zero.
Blonde: Oh my god. She’s so smart.
On the New Anchorman Movie
Brunette: I feel like, like, like, the hype will be, like, funnier than the actual movie.
On the Absent Frienemy
Blonde: She totally blew me off for breakfast.
Other Blonde: Did I tell you what she did to me?
Blonde: She was like, ‘Let’s get breakfast,’ and I was like, ‘Okay!’ and then she totally blew me off.
Other Blonde: But did I tell you what she did to me?
Blonde: I was all, ‘Hello, are we doing breakfast?’ and she just totally blew me off!
Other Blonde: But I have to tell you what she did to me!
Brunette: What did she do?
Other Blonde: She let me sit through, like, this entire lunch with, like, a piece of mushroom on my face.
Other Blonde: I went into the bathroom, and there was, like, this piece of mushroom—on my face! It was so embarrassing!
Other Blonde: Yes! It was so embarrassing!
Brunette: That right there, like, literally tells you what kind of person she is.
Other Blonde: I mean, I forgive. But I won’t ever forget.
On Walking the Game
Brunette (to Blonde): I think you talk the game, but I don’t think you actually, like, walk it. There. I said it.
Blonde: Like, what do you mean?
Brunette: I mean, like, who texted last?
Blonde: Him! I was like, ‘It’s snowing!’ and he was like, ‘Let it snow!’ and, I mean, what could I say to that?
Brunette: So you, like, didn’t say anything?
Blonde: I totally didn’t say anything!
Brunette: Well. That’s something.