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Overheard at Happy Hour

On How to Attract Men

Blonde:  We should learn about football.

Brunette:  Totally.

Blonde:   I mean, we really should.  

Other Blonde:  I wanna get into football. Like, for really-real.

Blonde:  My biggest goal is to, like, watch the games and learn about, like, the teams?  Like, who’s on them?

Other Blonde:  I mean, I really wanna.

Blonde:  We should literally start a fantasy team. 

Brunette:  Like, think how much we’d learn! 

Blonde:  We should do it.

Other Blonde:  We literally should.  


On the Absent Friend

Brunette:  She’s the kind of person who when she gains weight, like, gains it everywhere.

Blonde:  Which is better, actually.

Brunette:  She’s so lucky.

Other Blonde:  But she’s lost, like, half her body weight.  She’s basically anorexic now.

Blonde and Brunette (in unison)How?

Other Blonde:  I mean, she doesn’t eat.

Brunette:  She still drinks, I hope.

Other Blonde:  Oh, totally. She actually invented this drink that’s, like, Crystal Light and vodka and Sprite Zero. 

Blonde:  Oh my god.  She’s so smart.  


On the New Anchorman Movie

Brunette:  I feel like, like, like, the hype will be, like, funnier than the actual movie.


On the Absent Frienemy

Blonde:  She totally blew me off for breakfast.

Other Blonde:  Did I tell you what she did to me?

Blonde:  She was like, ‘Let’s get breakfast,’ and I was like, ‘Okay!’ and then she totally blew me off.  

Other Blonde:  But did I tell you what she did to me?

Blonde:  I was all, ‘Hello, are we doing breakfast?’ and she just totally blew me off!

Other Blonde:  But I have to tell you what she did to me!

Brunette:  What did she do?

Other Blonde:  She let me sit through, like, this entire lunch with, like, a piece of mushroom on my face.    

Blonde:  No!

Other Blonde:  I went into the bathroom, and there was, like, this piece of mushroom—on my face!  It was so embarrassing!

Blonde:  No!

Other Blonde:  Yes!  It was so embarrassing!

Brunette:  That right there, like, literally tells you what kind of person she is.

Other Blonde:  I mean, I forgive.  But I won’t ever forget.  


On Walking the Game

Brunette (to Blonde):  I think you talk the game, but I don’t think you actually, like, walk it.  There.  I said it.

Blonde:  Like, what do you mean?

Brunette:  I mean, like, who texted last?

Blonde:  Him!  I was like, ‘It’s snowing!’ and he was like, ‘Let it snow!’ and, I mean, what could I say to that?

Brunette:  So you, like, didn’t say anything?

Blonde:  I totally didn’t say anything!

Brunette:  Well.  That’s something.  

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